i, Woz - Steve Wozniak http://www.iwoz.org Just another WordPress weblog Mon, 08 Jan 2007 19:53:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.5 en Groaners http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/groaners/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/groaners/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:06:44 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/groaners/ Here are some real groaners to start your New Year!

* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

* The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

* We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

* What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

* A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

* If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

* You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

* He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

* A calendar’s days are numbered.

* A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

* A boiled egg is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.

* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

* When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

* Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture: a jab well done.

(contributed to Woz by Dan Sokol)

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/groaners/feed/ Killer Rabbit http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/killer-rabbit/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/killer-rabbit/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:06:11 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/killer-rabbit/

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING….. THIS IS ONE FOR THE BIOLOGISTS…..

 3.7 MB file    (12 minutes via modem)

http://homepage.mac.com/woz/filechute/rabbitvssnake.wmv

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/killer-rabbit/feed/ Koalas & The Jordans http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/koalas-the-jordans/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/koalas-the-jordans/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:05:34 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/koalas-the-jordans/ Newborn koalas melt hearts

http://today.reuters.com/tv/videoChannel.aspx?storyid=4b30f6ca878142b5cf3f40e895a1644b51cb4d98

AND

Michael Jordan’s sons follow in his footsteps:
http://today.reuters.com/tv/videoChannel.aspx?storyid=cfe3812790af3a3e7d355a0d2663d173aa35e745

(contributed to Woz by Steve Jasik)

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/koalas-the-jordans/feed/ Albino Whitetail Deer http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/albino-whitetail-deer/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/albino-whitetail-deer/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:03:42 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/albino-whitetail-deer/ This deer was found by a family in Sweet Home, Oregon.
A very eventful day around here… A once in many lifetimes experience!
Mark saw this lil’ feller run out in front of a car, thought it was a lost baby goat. Stopped to get it, and WOW. A real Albino Whitetail Deer. Just hours old, but doing fine. No Momma deer around. Another car nearly hit it in front of Mark…
Well,, he is THE neatest thing any of us ever saw. And such a ‘freak of nature’, that only 1 in more than a million are even born. He took his bottle of food, followed us around the house, doing great. So, we called the Zoo & Fossil Rim, who were both interested, but we’re going to send him to a Rehab farm. Maybe he will make it in captivity somewhere and be appreciated. So rare… Sure wanted to keep him tho. but, not the thing to do. And not LEGAL either ; But, here are a couple of pix to show ya. He was snow white, pink eyes, ears, nose and hooves. Kids called him POWDER. He was SO small. That is my shoe lying beside him… WOW..how cool is that??

Pass this around, a lot of folks have never and will probably never see even another picture of an Albino deer fawn……

(contributed to Woz by Jean Griffiths)

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/albino-whitetail-deer/feed/ Quicksand! http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/quicksand/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/quicksand/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:01:55 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/quicksand/  1.8 MB file   (6 minutes via modem)
http://homepage.mac.com/woz/filechute/Quicksand.wmv
Turn your sound on!
(contributed to Woz by Susan Helene)
]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/quicksand/feed/ A true Engineering Golf Tip………… http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/a-true-engineering-golf-tip/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/a-true-engineering-golf-tip/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:01:12 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/a-true-engineering-golf-tip/ The golf swing finally explained by someone I understand.

1.8 MB file    (6 minutes via modem)
http://homepage.mac.com/woz/filechute/golftip.wmv

(contributed to Woz by Bill Shissler)

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/a-true-engineering-golf-tip/feed/ My Computer is Fixed! http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/my-computer-is-fixed/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/my-computer-is-fixed/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:00:37 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/my-computer-is-fixed/ It took a little while, but I finally got my computer configured the way I wanted it.

(contributed to Woz by Bradley Roberts)

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/my-computer-is-fixed/feed/ The Four Liquid Stages of Life http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/the-four-liquid-stages-of-life/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/the-four-liquid-stages-of-life/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 16:59:16 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/the-four-liquid-stages-of-life/

(contributed to Woz by Alex Fielding)
]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/the-four-liquid-stages-of-life/feed/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/23/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/23/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 16:56:45 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/23/ Don’t say you love me (live backstage Toronto)

Kinda pop ish but still look like they are having fun.

(contributed to Woz by Alex Fielding)

]]> http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/23/feed/ Boat Too Small http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/boat-too-small/ http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/boat-too-small/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 16:56:15 +0000 troy Jokes http://www.iwoz.org/jokes/2007/01/08/boat-too-small/ How to tell if your boat is too small! I can’t speak for anyone else, but as
for me, this would definitely ruin my day!!
Verified by snopes.com as authentic. Picture taken off So. Africa

Urban Legends <http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/sharkkayak.asp>
Reference Pages: The Follower

http://www.whitesharktrust.org/pages/mediaarticle/media26.html

(contributed to Woz by Alex Fielding)

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